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In a shocking display of self reflection, Senator Mitt Romney is poised to publicly denounce the revered prophet and founder of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons), brother Joseph Smith.
Senator Romney, known for his unwavering "principles" that have long guided his politics and self-righteousness, is preparing to denounce the following aspects of Brother Joseph's life:
- Smith was charged for treason while fighting for fair elections in Missouri
- Smith overstated the value of his construction projects in Kirtland, Ohio
- Smith used other people's money to advance the Kingdom of God
- Smith attacked newspapers as fake news
Romney asserts he is now a "never-Smither." "My reputation within my circle of friends means everything to me. I prefer my prophets not be credibly accused of treason," said Romney.
Romney says he will remain a Mormon as they make great underwear.
Satire Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire and fiction. All people, events, and quotes are invented for comedic purposes. The Dezz is a satirical news publication covering the Mountain West.